During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
