Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize