The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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