After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
