Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
