You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
