I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
