Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize