i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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