wakey wakey hands off snakey
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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