Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize