i would punch a child for taco bell
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
