I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize