Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
