Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
