Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
