The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When are your genitals available?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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