Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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