I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
