there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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