franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
