Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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