I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
