none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
