My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
