If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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