The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
