just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
