final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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