thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize