i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize