If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
