It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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