when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You can't motorboat a personality
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize