so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
