that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
