what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
