And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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