I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
