Swine flu. Run for my life!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
