just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
