He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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