Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
