My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
