My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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