I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
