Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
