TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
