Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
