worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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