According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
