she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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