I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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