I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
