Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
