I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
