I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
