ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
