So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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