my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
