It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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