We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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