I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
