this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
