If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
