guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You pole danced in your parka.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize