i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
