They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
