I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
