Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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