I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize