Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Drunk is not a location!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
