btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
