if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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