My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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