did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
