why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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