it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
