As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
this is an emotional support booty call
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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