I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
