$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
