The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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