how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
