We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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