He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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