Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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