We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We smell like vodka and hangover
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