And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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