My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My legs feel like baby dolphins
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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