Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
