We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
