So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
True strength comes from lack of pants
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
