i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
