I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
