She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All the doctor said was why
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize