I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
