I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
