So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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