I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
