You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
