..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
