Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
