I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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