Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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