two words: eviction party
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
